I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
