dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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