i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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