i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
