Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
