i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
