i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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