Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
