kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
