This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
