My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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