Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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