That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
