man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
