i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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