Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
