oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
whose ass print is on the piano?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
