ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
