i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
