Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
