p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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