You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
