I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I party with great urgency now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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