I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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