My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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