Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
