she was so not down for the gang bang
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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