Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
