I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
