Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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