Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
