All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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