I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
