It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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