just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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