i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
