Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
