and she was petting her beer can
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
