His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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