Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
