Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
