I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
