i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
