what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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