when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
