I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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