It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
