The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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