I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
