i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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