do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I love having hate sex.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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