in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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