How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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